what goes wrong with mail order ?Jonny Greene
It's a complete bugger if your order is one of the fewer than 3 in 100 which go screwy, are weird, or cock-up somehow. They are never forgotten and everything I can do to correct them is done - even if it takes an age sometimes. No-one is ever wittingly left behind. Please remember the 97 out of 100 orders that go smoothly and quickly - person to person. No faceless monolithic organizations, or bored record shop chains, or companies that don't believe in what they are doing anymore, just you - helping me - to help them, both directly and indirectly.
The most common mistake? Wrong card expiry date.
If your order has not arrived you may be one of the following…
- Someone who has placed an order that hasn't arrived because :
- it's been lost in the post (a very rare occurance)
- you provided the wrong name, street address, town, postal code, or even country
- your order order was mis-addressed here
- your order has been held up by customs (the current record is 4 and a half months before it was returned - thanks Canada!)
- you placed an order but have not received an automated email response from the secure server - or my email reply due to 'spam' blocking software.
- you placed an order but I have failed to receive it because:
- computer crash at just the wrong time
- I have deleted it from the secure server before printing it out (not enough coffee in the morning)
- some glitch in the chain (secure server, my server, my computer, my printer)
- you have not responded to my request to provide correct details, because :
- wrong card number
- no number
- card expired
- no expiry date
- no start date
- no funds available
- just scamming (the "Retain Card" message)
- no address
- wrong address or postal code
- no name
- nothing ordered just card details and address sent
- real name
- your email address doesn't work or is 'full'.
- you place an order in your real name on one email address then send a query from a different email address using a nickname
- you sent a specific request ("Don't send my order until everything comes in") and then forget
- you think you placed an order but didn't (it happens)
- you tried to place an order from the phone in the secure wing of a mental hospital while also telling me that "I AM the guy in Trainspotting - I was tied to the tracks and and died when the ship hit the sun, and I'm also Brad Pitt, and little Nemo - all those guys at once - they shaved my head. Why won't they let me play my guitar to the trees? I'm going to review soon you know? When's daevid coming back I need to speak to him because I AM Gong's bass player! He needs me. The music will come when they see it in the Sun…" - etc.