Herstery of the Mystory Characters
in Disorder of Inconvenience
- MISTA T BEING
- a pig farming egyptologist and possibly the first air breathing human to tune into radio gnome, this bushy being was the famed inventor of the walkie talkie for porkers and distinguished himsElf as the bravest of the mummy runners to the british museum. he subsequently invented the white lens or clairvoyant telescope with which one can see the planet gong and then the shades of white through which one can observe people's feelings and thoughts. he's a large celtic geyser with bearded elbows. aka mike howlett
- FRED the FISH
- an antique teapot street vendor and tea label collector who unsuspectingly sold T BEING the magick ear ring that put him in contact with the voice of radio gnome. now fred the fish has a chip on his shoulder cos he couldn't hear nuffin of this radio gnome thing. anyway he accompanies T BEING 'pon his technicolour tandem to tibet. a lean streak of cheeky flesh this fred.
- BANANA ANANDA
- is the great beer yogi whose noble cry "have a lager" greets his disciples as they enter his primitive cave high up in the hymnalayas of tibet. his motto is "BANANA NIRVANA MANANA" a phrase worthy of many days deep contemplation on the many sided meanings inherent in its profundity. his teaching is that of meditations on the strongest spirits available. an upright hindoo sage of great magnetism, especially for the ladies.
- HERBERT HERBERT, Esq.
- multimillionaire philanthropist american with a penthouse in paris and an interest in bands
- ZERO the HERO
- is in fact our real hero in this epic gongography. a floating dropout with a strange dilection for making heroes out of people and a fancy for wearing prophetic robes of sackcloth, he originally split from his background of automatic day to day existance after a vision in the charing X road and went wandering off to look for heroes. little does he suspect as he heroworships the cockpot pixie that he, Zero, is the hero he is looking for.
- GOOD WITCH YONI
- whenever shakti yoni (aka gilli smyth) of the band is not around, the good witch yoni diclaims all connection of course. she is seen to fly across the sky on a vacuum cleaner of unknown make and is renowned for her mysterious balms and potions. it is said she serves the Goddess of the Moon, Selene, the Goddess of Love.
- a luscious bird and cock-teasing women's lib kitten. [editor's note] daevid wrote this in the early 70s and is now even less politically correct than he ever was
- CAPTAIN CAPRICORN
- respected captain of the good ship earthling, ole captain cap. don't believe in anything but facts he can prove scientifically. all this jazz about little green men and flyin' teapots is just so much balderdash to him. he is animated by a profound distaste for religion of any kind - due to an early childhood christian brainwash -and is perpetually setting off in the good ship with a load of stoned cronies in his well stocked saloon to try to prove that God don't exist. the trouble is he always hallucinates that the devil is chasing him and has to turn back to earth. he is always very helpful if you have a problem and knows the train timetables off by heart. aka christopher longcock, mimi mimolet, the alien australian, daevid allen etc
- the archetypal symbol of the scarlet sisterhood. as fresh as a spring morne yet as old as experience this high priestess to the Earth Mother calming war in the skies with the warmth of her thighs. high priestess to the fun gods.
- SELENE the MOON GODDESS
- mother of everything, sister of ISIS of the seven veils that separate us from the seventh heaven, (the universe of perpetual orgasm called BANANA NIRVANA by gongpeoples), Divine Mother, Sister and Lover to all who seek oneness with the LOVEWISDOM of the PLANET GONG.
- Additional Facts
- there are 32 php's to every octave doctor and 32 octave doctors make one master of the spheres. there are 1024 php's on the planet plus eight other immortal characters namely
- KING OF THE PHP'S
- who is always the most high
- THE GOOD WITCH YONI
- his ladyqueen who is always everywhere
- PRINCE DREAMING
- the almost high
- PRINCESS LEAVES
- the female plant
- WIZARD of the KEYS
- one of the eight immortals of the planet gong. he has the key to the gong cosmognie and correspondance charts, the key to your heart, and above all the key to the secret vaults wherein is stashed the highly hush hush or ha! ha!ha!sshhh! cakes from the moon which he distributes daily to each of the 1024 (1K) PHP's which means that a day on the planet gong is 1024 (1K) pipes long, and is measured by lunggong pipeclocks all over the planet.
- LUNG HI
- the chinese washerman who gets about in a basket beneath his amazing flying hymenbird and is only ever heardto mutter "lung time no fee". lung hi is special assistant to
- distant relation to superman and others and guardian/protector to the potheads of all worlds. his secret identity is
- COCK POT PXYE
- chief pilot of flying teapots and the first pothedpixy to appear on earth, he is no. 1 pixie in the PHP gnome service.
- BLOOMDIDO BAD de GRASSE
- aka didier malherbe.
- VENUX de LUXE
- aka ?
- HIGH TEA MOONWEED
- aka tim blake
- SUBMARINE CAPTAIN
- originally christian tritsch later replaced by steve hillage
- PIERRE de STRASBOURG
- aka pierre moerlen
- BAMBALONI YONI
- aka miquette giraudy
Ultra-Cosmic GONG GLossary Ole Cock
Not to be glossed over unless total incomprehension is preferable… Here we go…
- PLANET GONG
- a transparent greenish planet unknown to astronomers and situated in the seventh sky (7ieme ciel) or seventh heaven, it operates according to the laws of the music of the spheres
- RADIO GNOME INVISIBLE
- a telepathic pirate radio network operating brain to brain by crystal machine transmitter direct from planet gong.
- POT HEAD PIXIES
- these small green gents who populate the planet gong have pointed heads with propellors which serve as receivers for RGI. noted for their joyful capers, they can become inisible at will and when nearby, one's potpouch is never empty. on their motherplanet, they govern themselves by a sysyem called FLOATING ANARCHY.
- FLYING TEAPOTS
- distantly related to flying saucers, they are the cheif means of transport for the pointed and well propellored population of the green planet. they ride through the spaces on invisible big dipper dragon lines called the OILY WAY and transport by this this means is termed GLIDDING.
- OCTAVE DOCTORS
- gong gurus and benevolent all wise and loving advisors of the php's and protectors of the planet. they appear asa giant radiant eye which hovers inside an upturned cone which is set inside a luminous egg shaped aura called the
- ANGEL'S EGG
- this is the octave doctors' impenetrable protective force field from which the unisexual pot head pixies are born and back into which they are recycled at the end of their time. they are only found in
- INVISIBLE TEMPLES OF PLANET GONG
- which are invisible because they don't need totems and statues and symbols to worship when they've got real live octave doctors in residence. the temples are divided into the outer temple where the high tea ceremony prepares the head for entering the inner temple where the all high contact with the octave doctor is all they need to keep on truckin.
- SWITCH DOCTOR
- is the resident octave doctor on the planet earth, and resides at planet gong potheadquarters known under the code name of
- INVISIBLE OPERA COMPANY OF TIBET
- situated near to the cave of the great beer yogi banana ananda, in the hymnalayas. the switch doctor is in constant radio gnome connection with the band gong via the
- BANANAMOON OBSERVATORY
- situated in natural high energy locations in different countries at different times according to the instructions of the switch doctor, who also works through the mind of venux de luxe, the gong band's sound mix master and meta roadie